AAAARGHHH!
I HATE my brain. It’s my worst enemy; why can’t I turn it off?
Where does it get off making me feel like shit when it’s stupid flights of fancy aren’t even real? Gah! I need a sedative…
Cheers,
Doctor007 or the guy who thinks far, far too much.
I’ve been dumped on from four sides. Coincidentally, and within the scope of their dumping, I have a decision to make. It all happened at once, and was overwhelming. I’d been mulling over the decision all day, and then when faced with the dark and ugly side of what I was considering, I found myself getting so wound up inside that I needed air, space and to just run away from these people for a minute.
I don’t mind helping people. But I can’t help but think they wind-up feeling better, lighter, and I’m the one that carries their problem around with me for a few hours afterward. I guess with four people ’sharing’ their problems with me tonight, all regarding the same thing that seems to turn sour so frequently – I was overwhelmed. Too much was swimming through the fishbowl that is my head, and I just needed to get out.
Tomorrow is another day.
Cheers,
Doctor007 or your dumping ground.
Yesterday I went to Big Day Out, which is a day-long music festival for those of you living under rocks. I actually hadn’t planned on going, because for a student-bum like myself, these festivals can be cost-prohibitive. However, a quick phone call 2 days before the festival saw to getting me a free ticket.
Hey, can’t complain there, right?
Because I didn’t plan on going, I never looked at the line-up, but I had heard from others that it wasn’t the best. But to my surprise, there was actually a few bands that I was really excited about seeing. Having been to a BDO before (okay, so it was 8 years ago), I knew that you only really got to see a handful of acts and spend the rest of the day lining up to pee/buy drinks/buy food, and trying to phone those who you’ve managed to lose, so I was pretty happy.
The acts that stood out were Sparkadia, Youth Group (you know, the guys that do Forever Young? Anyone know any other song of theirs?), Cut Copy (soooo good), The Grates, Pendulum, Sneaky Sound System and the Prodigy. It was surprisingly hard to choose the best act of the day; I had assumed the Prodigy would be a shoe-in, but I reckon I’m gonna have to give it to Sneaky Sound System – they played such a great set, had an awesome atmosphere going and most importantly – they sounded album-quality. Don’t get me wrong, the Prodigy were incredible, but it was mainly being in the hot, sweaty and violent pit that was so much fun – especially during Firestarter.
Anyway, good memories which are chestnuts to store and tide me over during the coming cold and academic months. I think I adapted that poorly from an episode of scrubs. But anyway it’s true – the academic year is ahead, and it’s coming closer.
Cheers,
Adrian or the most dehydrated person ever.
Delicious anchovies…white anchovies have a much more intense flavour, and have less of a briney saltiness to them.
So, as you regulars (hahaha! That’s funny) might know, I have haemochromatosis and need to keep an eye on my iron studies and liver function tests. This of course, means trips to the doctor’s office, and a short, sharp jab with a needle. Now, my doctor is a great guy. Even though he doesn’t bulk bill (this means I have to pay), I still travel the 25-30 minutes for him to -
- check my cholesterol on the sly? Hang on a second – I know what all the tests on the pathology form mean – how did this happen? In any case, the bloody cholesterol was still high, even after 6 months of radical changes to diet and exercise. Bugger!
Meanwhile, I’m glad he wasn’t pushing medication, because I can do this on my own! I’m not going to be 24 and taking an old man’s drug. No way in hell.
So – this means an even stricter diet, which I will of course violate the rules of periodically because to be honest – life just doesn’t seem as fun if you’re not eating yummy stuff. Nevertheless, even more vegetables and loads of fish are on the menu. Luckily, I love fish. Sardines, Salmon, Anchovies – all of it. Any while we’re at it, why don’t we throw-in some Moreton Bay Bugs and sea scallops?
Mmm….I’m quite looking forward to this, actually. Oh, and my iron levels were fine.
Cheers,
Adrian or the ‘Iron Man’, if you will.
This is ‘Dancing Waves’ by Tom McCall. Not quite the scene on the Coast, but it invokes a similar feeling.
Okay, so today I let coffee-shop guy know that it wasn’t working out for me. It was really hard to do, especially when he started saying things like “you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a while”. I’m new to all of this, but it doesn’t take much experience to work out that breaking up with someone can be really horrible. The thing is, I’m not comfortable being intimate with someone I can’t see myself with long-term, and I don’t do meaningless.
On a lighter note, I seem to have misplaced my camera charger, and my camera has been juiceless since Monday. I missed an awesome opportunity to capture sunrise at the Seaway on the Gold Coast when it was so windy the waves were crashing over the seawall, with explosions of white water at the very tip of the wall where the lighthouse sits. The sun was bursting through the black clouds in long shafts. It was all very powerful. The colour of the scene alone was enough to inspire, but it seems as though I’m just going to have to appreciate these scenes with my eyes alone – at least until the damn charger can be found.
Years ago I used to go to the seawall to sit at the very end where that lighthouse is. Just to sit on the rocks at the end and watch the waves crash into the wall, sometimes showering me with sea mist (sometimes drenching me). Sometimes I went alone, and sometimes I had a friend. But that white water always made me feel better. I guess it used to be my place, but for some reason I forgot about it. I think I need to go there tomorrow.
Cheers,
Adrian.
These are Jelly Belly jelly beans. They are an awesome force, and have really cool flavours like Buttered Popcorn, Banana, Cinnamon, Espresso, Watermelon etc. If you’re a real hard-on, you can make ‘recipes’. I could eat these babies by the fistful.
Yesterday was my first day back in the gym since a couple days before Christmas, and it feels like I haven’t been there in a year. All that progress – gone! After jumping off the treadmill, I took a second to mourn the loss of my cardiovascular health (those of us who ‘quit’ smoking never fully quit), and moved on. At least I got to use the sports armband for my new lovely iPod Classic!
I’m a little scared of what my trainer will do to me when she gets back from holiday, considering I’m only just starting the program I was supposed to have down by now. There are a few scenarios:
She will whip me mercilessly until I have met my goals – result: I lose weight and get fitter.
Or, she will will understand since it was Christmas and, having gorged herself during the silly season too, will push me harder because she feels guilty – result: I lose weight and get fitter.
Or, she will be ashamed of me and tell me to start the program at the beginning, and I’ll feel guilty, so I’ll whip myself mercilessly until I’ve met my goals – result: I lose weight and get fitter.
I’m sure there are other scenarios to consider (like quite possibly the one that will actually happen), but these are the ones I like. My trainer is a friend of my roommate’s girlfriend, and my roommate told her that my goal was to complete a marathon this year. Now, while that was bandied around during a group jogging session, I never really agreed to it. But there it is, set in stone on my training program. Well, the trainer – being a more realistic person – has called it the 1/2 Marathon challenge. Although still scary, this is something that I’m willing to tackle - provided that I can walk large portions of the way and have at least 9 hours to complete it. An episode of scrubs involving dehydration and hallucination comes to mind…
Anyway, for now I’m happy sitting on the couch, watching ANTM and eating Jelly Bellys.
Cheers,
Adrian or Doctor007 in 3 years.
These are cartoon versions of sugar skulls, which are used in the Day of the Dead celebrations. My goal is to get one of these tattooed on me by the end of this year – but of course, one a bit better than those shown here!
Okay, so school is about to start again. I managed to survive the first year of medical school, which contradicts my previous suspicion that I was an imposter destined to be exposed via humiliating failure.
I guess I actually am where I belong – doesn’t that feel nice?
So this new uni year is about to kick off, and we have 5 blocks to cover this year as opposed to last years’ 4. We have gastroenterology, endocrinology/reproductive physiology, musculoskeletal physiology, neurology and a block named ‘integration’. This is apparently a lovely way of saying ‘the-last-two-years-of-your-life-in-a-few-weeks”, but we’re used to this kind of abuse by now.
Also, as mentioned in a previous post somewhere, I’m the new secretary of the university-run health charity, which I will have to do in conjunction in developing a kid’s health club. This, on top of second year, is going to be a challenge. But I don’t care – for once I’m in a healthy frame of mind, and I’m ready to take anything on. Love is even going to happen at some stage, I’m adamant.
Before all of this starts, though, I’m super keen to do a photoshoot. I’ve been planning one for months, with a few friends to help out in the hair/makeup/lighting departments, and now I have the sneaking suspicion that it’s just not going to eventuate. We have a great venue stocked with $250,000 worth of Ralph Lauren furniture set-up to vaguely represent a country club clubhouse. I would really hate to waste this opportunity.
But it just represents another small obstacle; nothing heavy going on. Can I overcome it, and the rest of the super busy year ahead? Hell yeah – bring it on.
Cheers,
Adrian or Doctor007 and All His Friends.
Firstly, I’d like to say Merry Christmas + Happy New Year! The silly season can be hard for some, and it can be easy to lose sight of what it’s all about. Last year my grandfather died 10 days before Christmas, and we buried him on Christmas Eve, which was difficult for everyone sure – but moreso for his wife and kids. This year, the family kept it all together, but I could tell that the season stung a few people. Oh well, it’ll sting a little less next year.
Moving into 2009, uni life will be pretty much the same – another year of pre-clinical study. This year I’m involved with a charity group. My current roommate is involved with the med society, which isn’t really a rival of the organisation I’m with, but they do compete to some extent for funding from the same medical indemnity groups. My roommates girlfriend is also involved with the med society, while our new roommate is involved with the charity group I’m with. Let’s hope the living situation is less confusing…
Now onto the ranting part: Men. You can leave at any point, if you like.
I met a guy early last year who is a nurse at a hospital somewhere. When we met, he was nice and funny, but very materialistic. There were a few things that bugged me – he was a tiny bit camp, he knew what toner does to your skin, and he was a nurse. Now, I was being overly judgemental, but if it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel right – right? Plus, he didn’t seem too interested in being around me. There was never any relationship to break off, but I made it clear I didn’t want one with him in the end.
Then there was the older guy. I went over him with a fine-tooth gay comb and couldn’t find a trace. He was a proper guy, and met the criteria physically. We went on a couple of dates that were actually nice and not contrived. The thing was, we were just so different because he lived in a gay subculture. It’s strange, because it’s a culture that disdains the typical gay culture, while being a gay culture at the same time. I told him I was from the ’straight world’ – and this just means everyday life and culture. It made me uneasy, so I said goodbye to him too.
Then nurse guy came back into the picture, telling me he’d made a mistake and he did want to be around me and he did want a relationship. He came around to my place after work one night and we just had a chat, but in the end my feelings hadn’t changed. I told him this, which upset him, and he told me that he’d get me back one day.
A couple of weeks ago I was having coffee with a friend when I noticed a guy and started checking him out. It must have been obvious, because a few minutes later the girl who worked at the coffee shop came over and gave me a piece of paper with the guy’s number on it. So we met at the pub for a beer, and he seemed like a good guy. We had a chat about where he was from, and that he had been looking into joining the police force. This date was about a week ago, and we’re supposed to be catching up today. The thing is, the more I think about him, the more I can’t see it going anywhere, though I probably couldn’t tell you why.
Now I see photos of nurse guy overseas, and start thinking ‘why was I not into him again?’
What the hell is wrong with me, and what am I doing? Self-saboutage is nothing new for me, but is that what I’m doing here, or am I just not settling?
How do you know when you’re doing the right thing, or if your standards are too high? The world of relationships is confusing and crap.
Cheers,
Doctor007
