Self portrait
Where it stops? I wish I knew!
Well, I’ve gone and done it again – I’ve starting talking to a guy. Well – several, actually – but this one is smart and incredibly attractive. It’s enough to make a boy suspicious…
…but let’s not go down that path of insecurity.
Anyway, I guess I said I wasn’t going to pass up any opportunities, and I’m staying true to my word there. I just get the feeling that I haven’t learned anything from each previous encounter…we’ll see.
I’m nearly 25. Sort of.
I understand that we go through changes, and that there are stages where you can go through big changes (such as the red convertible and driving glove when you’re 50), but the thing is, I think I’m going through one now.
I’m not talking anything like the mid-life crises you see portrayed by Hollywood. God bless those idiots in Hollywood. I’m talking about a pervasive anti-Peter-Pan sensation….that feeling that you need to grow up, and grow up quick.
Yes, I understand that I’m a graduate student studying a medical degree which takes centre stage in my life, and that everything will change when I start to earn some money - etc, but here are the cold facts:
Basically, I feel like a 24-year-old little boy.
Anyway, I’m living a life that really isn’t me, which is okay, we do that a lot – make the sacrifices for the pay-off later on. I think I’m just finally getting really impatient with the whole thing.
I want to get a place outside the city, by myself (or preferably, with a guy). I want a dog, comfortable digs and a decent kitchen. I don’t feel like being articulate right now, so I’ll just say this:
I want a life, already!
No, I know it conjures up images of the lusciously leggy ladies from Lipstick Jungle or something, but limbs akimbo – in this case – is merely in reference to the lower limb examination we did today in clinical skills.
Boring? Maybe.
Actually, it was okay but there was nowhere near enough time to really practice the examination techniques. This is musculoskeletal (known herein as MSK) we’re doing, and it’s all very mechanical. We needed the time to practice, but anyway. It’s not like I can really see much of the world around me since my glasses bit the big one a week ago. I feel sorry for people who get headaches all the time.
Oh, and blind people.
In any case, this is my last week of uni before we get a whole week off. I’m so excited I could poo. Really. My plan for the holiday is to get in a photo shoot at some stage. If I do, you will obviously hear all about it. Lucky you.
Anyway, back to squiting at my facebook page.
Seriously, it scares me. I can deal with not getting what I want, for the most part. I really can. But there are some things I can’t deal with not having. The big stuff. The stuff that isn’t an iPod or a car or something.
There’s only one way I want it all to work out, and there’s a good chance it won’t work out that way – doesn’t God laugh at our plans? On this, I am decidedly inflexible, but I have no real control.
Okay, so I’m just going to write it down here so I don’t forget:
Surgery 1: Right knee arthroscopy. Repair right lateral meniscus tear and remove multi-nodular cyst deep to the iliotibial band.
Surgery 2: Left knee arthroscopy. Repair left medial meniscus tear and articular cartilage (stage 4 osteoarthritis).
Surgery 3: Left knee arthroscopy. Repair left medial meniscus tear (with synovitis).
Surgery 4: Left anterior-cruciate ligament (ACL) autograft (arthroscopy). ACL graft made from patient’s own hamstring tendons.
Surgery 5: Left shoulder stabilisation (arthroscopy). Reconstruct superior labrum at glenohumeral joint post dislocation.
Surgery is awesome. Five surgeries in five hours. Depending on the surgeon next week, we may see some laminectomies – spinal surgery.
Buzzin’ like a motherfucker today.
Why oh why are all the other gay bloggers absolutely saturating their blogs with pictures of almost-naked impossibly hot men, even when the subject of the entry is what they had for dinner?
STOP STEREOTYPING YOUR DAMN SELVES!
Okay, so I get that I don’t know anything, and won’t be able to do anything, and will probably actually reveal just how much I don’t know about my supposed chosen profession – but I don’t care. I’m going into theatre!
I’ll be scrubbing in for a surgery tomorrow morning at 8, and given the travel time will have to wake up at 5 (worst luck). I don’t know what the procedure will be, and it could be something lame, but since it’s orthopaedics – it’s bound to be gruesome.
Gruesome is good.
This will be my first time in a surgery, and I’m excited. Not because I’ll get to do anything incredible or prove myself in any way, or because I’ll get to wear scrubs for a reason other than going on a pub crawl or a jog (okay, it’s a little about the scrubs), but just because it comes at such a good time. I’m so disenfranchised with academic life; it’ll be nice to do something more practical.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to it. There’s costumes, lighting, cameras, performers, and all the drama of the theatre.
That is why they call it theatre…right?
Winter now. Everything is a little colder, a little darker, and a little more comfortable. I’m in a period of not looking, for the time being. I’m not looking for anything, just trying to stay comfortable in my little corner. It’s not that hard, because as always, things are changing.
I’ve been spending a lot more time with my sister, lately. We get along so well, it’s just such an effortless relationship. The fact that we share a love of the finer things in life – so long as you can eat and drink them – also helps.
I’m sort of getting into the study, a little more. I think I’m happier now we’ve started the musculoskeletal block. I dunno. Life is random.
I’m taking a break from boys – I don’t know how to do the whole dating thing and I think I make a bit of a mess of it when I try. I won’t close myself off to the possibility, but I’m not sure I’ll actively persue it for now.
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I’m sitting here in the learning centre of the medical school, looking out at the rain that seems to have set-in for the day, trying to think of what to write. It’s so much harder when there’s no drama, I’ll admit. No drama is a nice thing, but it’s easy to write about.
Anyway, come back again soon. The drama is never too far away. For now I’m kinda happy to just sit and watch the rain fall down.
…a little more, anyway. I’m sure there’s a photo of me on this blog somewhere!
Anyway, this was taken very recently (most recent photo of me, yet I now have a shaved head) at St Andrew’s Hospital 100th Anniversary Ball. Randomly got free tickets, and sadly had nothing to do on that particular Saturday.
We’re all drunk and enjoying the best Franklin-esque performer in Ipswich!
ps – that’s me in the choker-hold 
